Dear Blog; Year 2 Day 1

Happy New Year! 

What can I say besides 2011 was a year of change and a year of learning more about who I am.  I have been humbled by so many of you out there in my little world and all the overwhelming support to see me succeed even when I didn't think I could do it.  It is a day to day struggle (since I am trying to undo 30 years of old habits that seriously DIE HARD! ).  I have come a long way and I don't give myself enough credit for that.  So I want to say, "ANGELA you are AWESOME and you have made GREAT strides in your PROGRESS towards a healthier life."

That being said I have will admit that over the holiday break I sort of let things go more than I should have.  Not sort of, I DID let things go.  I wanted to give myself some room to expand my waist line...how did it feel do you ask?  CRAPPY.  I didn't have the sugar or carbs etc I stayed faithful to that but I did allow myself to over eat.  I cannot tell you how much I realize that, that is not what I want in my life.  I may not always like to be limited on what I am consuming or that I still stare longingly at those that can consume carbs that are instantly burned and never reach their thighs.  I still dream about food, making it, eating it, rolling in it, etc.  but at the same time I know that I am stronger than the food, or at least I am gaining more strength then I give the food.  Instead of food having the larger percentage for example 99.9% I now feel that food only has a 60% hold on me and I have a 40 % hold on it.

I am raring to go with what 2012 has to offer me.  There are so many great and hard things coming my way this year and I want to enjoy every moment.  I want to walk across the stage at my graduation in May and be proud of the person that I have become.  I want to look at a pizza and be satisfied with one slice.  I want to walk 2 miles without the idea feeling insurmountable.  I know that all of these things are possible and mark my words they will all be accomplished.  I know I can do it.

I never realized how far my story/journey has traveled and effected others' lives.  I started blogging and being completely honest with myself and with you because I wanted others to know that a real person who struggles often can be successful and if I can do it...I can gaurantee that you can as well.  I didn't just want to change myself but I wanted to inspire others to see that change is possible for them as well.  There are so many things that I keep/kept locked in my little head that I just never thought anyone in the world ever felt the same way; people please, I was so wrong.  there are so many of you that have shared your stories with me and have made me realize that I am not alone; and that I have NEVER been alone.  

I still have some progress to make but I am well on my way!  Yes I have hit the 100lb mark (we won't mention the 5 lbs I gained over the holiday....that will come off right away).  That is a huge milestone in my life.  I have several goals this year.  I want to graduate, move across country, be on the Ellen show (for my weight loss story) and be on the cover of People magazines 1/2 their size issue for 2013!  (If any of you know anyone that works for Ellen, or for People and can pull some strings for me that would be great! lol).

Lastly, I want you to know that this past year I went to Disneyland and I was able to ride every ride with no issues, thanks to a smaller waistline as well as flying home without using an extender for my seat belt.  I will have you know that a couple of years back I "borrowed" an extender so that I didn't have to continually ask for one whenever I flew; this December I "returned" said "borrowed" extender because this girl doesn't need it ANYMORE!   

Here is to an amazing year for you and for me!  I wish all of you success in all that you choose to do this year.  I also want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your continual thoughts, prayers, and encouragement that you unconditionally give me!  You are the best, always and forever!

Once a closed rosebud hidden from the world scared; now awakened, head held high, blossoming for all the world to see the beauty that was inside.    

Love Angela

Dear blog, Day 300+

I have no excuse except that I have been busy.  I had every intention of blogging everyday this year to mark my journey but 3 weeks have gone by and not a peep out of me.  I just don't have the memory I used to and so to go back and try and re-create what happened over the course of 3 weeks just won't happen so here I am writing one post to cover all that has gone on.  I finally hit my 100 lb mark.  Go me, and soon after I challenged myself to stick to my plan while spending time at disneyland.  I don't know what I was thinking except that I needed a vacation, time with my best friend, and time with mickey mouse.  All in all, I was successful.  My best friend made a comment that really hit home.  She said, there are many things that I like about your weight loss but one thing I like the most is that you are so much more willing to take and be in pictures. It's true. although I am not where I want to be I am 100lbs smaller than I was this time last year.  I feel better and there fore I actually like how I look in pictures these days.  Its not va va voom but it is awww isn't she cute!  Yep I am in the cute stage, I might even venture to say pretty.

This time of year that I am heading into is going to be tough.  I won't lie I think about food often these days.  All the sweets, and starches and carb-laden food I can really see myself eating.  In reality it is just food, I get that but that doesn't stop me from desiring it.  I am determined to be successful.  More than I am determined to be successful, I WILL BE SUCCESSFUL.  I am too far into this to put it on hold now.  I may sound like I am confident but on the inside I am a scared child.

Bring on the holidays, I know I will survive.  As my cousin wrote on my message board I am going to keep on keeping on.

Love angela

Dear Blog; Day 300

So great that my 300th day falls on a Saturday who would have thought.  I should celebrate by eating something, because that is how we celebrate right?!?!?  Wrong...although that is not entirely true.  I have been "celebrating" also known as stress eating a lot lately.  I just can't seem to stop myself.  I just turn my brain off and ignore the nagging feeling and just go where the food is.  Granted I have come  along way and on the outside it may seem like I have it all together and that I have such "will power" but inside I am scared and tired and feeling pretty weak.  I figure if I can keep it together in front of people then I am doing good.  But secretly as much as I don't want people to point it out, I just need someone to give me a hug, and let me know that it is ok but that I need to keep going and get back into the real swing of things.

Happy 300 days Angela !

Love, Angela

Dear Blog; Day 299

Our ward had trunk or treat tonight.  My friend from school brought his wife and daughter.  We just hung out and had a great time and his daughter received a ton of candy.  It was most definitely a good night. We really enjoyed ourselves and their little daughter was so cute.  It was nice ending to a busy long day of class.

We have been getting off a little easier the last week or so since we really only have 1 class on Fridays.  It is ok that it is a 5 hour class, makes it seem like we are getting a break some how.  I don't now how to explain it.

I have to admit I did a great job of staying away from the candy what I really wanted to do was steal all the chocolate from all the little kids walking by.  They would never notice all of the good stuff missing from their bags I mean the get so much of it anyway.  I should make them pay me to get candy from me!  Hey they will get fat, and who needs fat kids I mean really!  ( Ok, I didn't mean that, all kids are cute no matter what)!

Love, Angela

Dear Blog; Day 298

The days just blur into the next.  I don't know what day it is usually.  I just walk around in a haze.  I taught my first lesson today in 5th grade.  It was a math lesson, I know shocker.  After it was over and we had walked the students out for the day my mentor teacher told me that what I did was the best lesson that she had seen/heard from any teacher candidate she has had in her room.  I was floored.  It was such a huge compliment.  I really had a hard time wrapping my head around it.  It pretty much made my day that is for sure!

Love, Angela