Today was interesting. I have gone back to subbing. Today I had 2 kindergarten classes. Well one thing we all no about kindergartner's is they can't survive 20 minutes without eating...so of course there are snacks. THEN there is a star of the week so of course we have to bring treats into share and of course I have 2 classes so I get to do it all over again in the afternoon, be still my heart. But I will have you no there were no snacks for angela I didn't even lick my fingers after handing out each cookie to each kid...not once! (please feel free to give me kudos, I am humble enough to accept). My grandma and nephew and I went to an early dinner (4 pm ) which my nephew promptly told me that only old people go to eat this early! Shut up kid, one day this will be you! He said this in between shoving his face with mac and cheese, home made chips and hot buttery rolls all of which I didn't try and steal. I just sat eating my broccoli and salad and steak. (it was very very tasty). I didn't even lick the spoon after putting his left overs into a to go box. (Feel free to give me double kudos, I am feeling very accepting today). The weirdest part is recognizing how much of what I do is habit, and how many habits I have to learn to overcome. I have never thought in the past to just put the spoon down after putting left overs in a to go box with out cleaning it off first, why waste that yummy goodness still left on it. I have never "thought" to not try a chip when my nephew hands me one. Why not? Just one can't possibly hurt, or I don't think at all, it is just "habit". It's a lot more difficult when you actually think about what you are doing, and I can tell you after today my brain hurts!
My life coach has left me to my own devices 2 weekends in a row, but she is never far from the phone or so she says. She thinks its good for me to check in with her at the end of the night to go over the day, sort of like a debriefing. It helps both her and I and I think she likes keeping her mother hen eye on me! It helps me be a bit more accountable as well, because I know I need to talk to her about it. I could lie but what purpose would that serve. Today I for sure told her all the good I did in the face of temptation, and she was a good life coach and gave me my kudos. It's sad that kudos doesn't mean cookie, it just means praise. While praise is good I still wish it was a cookie.
That being said; I thank all of you so far for your words of encouragement and support and love and prayers. I am glad to have you on this journey with me. I raise my glass of water to toast you, and to toast myself for all that I endured today!
One day closer, one day stronger.
Love Angela
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