Dear Blog; Day 18

So I bought some fish the other day; it will have be a week ago on Friday.  As I was getting ready to blog I noticed that I could only find 2 of the 3.  After searching I found the 3rd, he had gotten himself stuck between  some rocks and couldn't move.  I freed him, he was so excited but he is having trouble floating.  He seems to be expending a lot of effort just to survive.  I hope that he does.  If not his life will have been cut short.  This fish is kind of like me.(Just go with me here)  I have been caught in an over weight body for a very long time.  I feel I have been stuck with no way out. I have also been expending a lot of effort in the wrong places.  My aunt (aka my life coach) has helped me move the rock (aka food) from off of me so that I can focus.  Because if I don't focus, loose the weight and help myself get healthy then I may possibly share the same fate as my little fish.  My life will be cut short.  As I sit here I see my little fish struggling.  I don't want to struggle like that anymore.  I want to be able to do the things I thought I would never be able to do.  I want people to see me differently, I want to be strong and pretty, and healthy.  Most importantly healthy.  That is why I am doing this.  That is why I don't go out and get a cheeseburger, or ice cream from cold stone, or panda express or a bag of chips. 

Today I had a little coaching session with my coach.  I have a very very very hard time talking face to face with someone (no matter how close they are to me) ESPECIALLY about things I NEVER talk about (aka my weight, food, and addiction).  I find myself very closed off and I get almost aggitated short and starting to shut down.  I don't know why. Maybe it is my way of saying back off this isn't ok to talk about.  It would be so much easier if I could just instant message her or text her.  But since we live in the same house ummm that would be DUMB!  I find it so easy to say the things I am thinking and feeling in this blog, but I wouldn't be able to talk to someone face to face and say these things.  At least not at this point in my journey. We will talk about this again in maybe 3 to 6 months.

Food and I got a long today.  I did really well and didn't think much about it. I ate my meals and drank all my water.  I like days like today.  Everything just flows like I think it should. 

I feel a tiny thin layer of self hate as been removed today. 

Love Angela