Dear Blog; Day 74

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!

4th day of spring break.  Today there was a little more adventure.  My day started at 6 am.  I know right it was barely light outside!  I helped my life coach move all of the boxes out of the office (she is officially done with her job) and send them on their way with the new person who has taken over the job. (she was here in town getting some tutorials with my life coach, but she headed back to Cali today).  After doing that I worked  up a sweat so of course I had to eat something, and then take a nap.  After waking up from my nap I of couse was hungry (you get where this day is going....) so i went down and ate something.  And then I ate something else.  I could not handle being near the fridge anymore so I took myself upstairs and painted my nails. At least that way I couldn't open anything or get into anything with wet nails...can't ruin the paint job you know.  Even that didn't really work, I just had my life coach open things for me!  ( I tell you I have a sickness...its called food obsession.)

Dinner could not come soon enough.  Corn beef and cabbage.  I love St. Patrick's day.  I filled my plate added a little butter spray to the cabbage and a dab of mustard to the corn beef.  Roughly 2.5 seconds later it was all gone....I hoovered that plate like I hadn't eaten in 10 years.  I promptly pushed my chair back and loaded my plate a second time.  That plate took me a little longer to consume (about 5 seconds).  It then hit me... what did I do?  And I am so stinkin stuffed I think there is a whole head of cabbage in my belly!  I was so upset.  I have no idea what possessed me to eat 2 plates of food. It didn't even taste as good as I wanted it to.  I just ate to eat. After I was done I realized what I had just done.  I then got mad at my life coach for not stopping me.  She was sitting right there she saw what I was doing.  Her response was that she wanted me to know what it felt like to over-stuff myself so that I would know what not to do again.  She said that I needed to feel that feeling to know that I don't like it and to be more conscious of what I am putting in my mouth.

 I heard what she was saying but at the same time I was still upset that she didn't tell me no.  In all honesty the situation was a lose, lose.  I was mad that she didn't stop me, but at the same time I would have been mad if she had tried to say something.  I can tell you this much I have learned my lesson. I don't like the way that stuffed feeling made me feel, nor do I like the feeling of being disappointed in myself either. 

I took my over-stuffed self and my gamer friend (aka cousin) and we went to the dinner theater (we only went for the show) to support her brother and sister in the show.  It was a nice way to focus on something else instead of continuing to beat myself up for what happened at dinner.

This battle with food, is not over.  It is on going and somedays it feels like I should just raise the white flag.  But, I am not giving in.  I had a minor set back today, I see that.  I am still a little upset about it, but tomorrow is another day.  Staying true to my montra "no going back, only moving forward," I can't change what happened today but I can learn from it and use what I learned for the future.  Today food kicked my butt big time! 

Score for today    Angela :   14     Food:    5 (Don't remember last score but I know that food scored a number on me today so 5 seems like a good number)

Love Angela