Thursday surgery day. My cousin is having her galbladder removed today. I am nervous for her but I know it will go smoothly and that she will feel much better after it is done and after she heals. I don't have anything going on today so that I can be at the hospital to visit with her before and after. I spent this morning getting stuff for school external hard drive, video camera, books and on and on. (school is so expensive especially for graduate school!) Who ever thought going to back to school was a good idea....ohhh pick me I did....stupid girl!
Anyway, I headed down to the hospital and convinced them to let me go back to pre-op so that my cousin would know that I was there (we are really close) and so that I could hold her hand and give her a hug and some words of encouragement. My gram and I then waited in the waiting room until it was over. She was only in the OR for about 45 min. The doc came out and gave us the good word that she had done splendedly. She is such a trooper. We then headed to her room to wait. She was required to stay in post-op for about 2 hours to make sure there weren't any complications or anything. By the time she made it to her room, my life coach (her mom) grammy, me, her bro and her friend were all there...we were the welcoming committee! It was soo go to see her. It is scary when anyone has surgery even if it is "routine" or "easy". There are all those horror stories out there and you just never know. So when you can see the person again you really do know everything is ok! First thing she wanted to do was show us her stomach (so we could see the laser sites... we will blame the lack of modesty on the pain killers etc! But I would be lying if I said I wasn't a bit curious to see what her war wounds looked like. (technology has really made life easier and less invasive when it comes to surgery). Grammy kept kissing her, and I just kept looking at her just happy she will be ok. Now it is time for her to heal.
Throughout all of this I was prepared for the day I had my bar, and some pretzels and my water bottle. But even though I was prepared I was still constantly hungry. I am fighting hunger or more accurately the "thoughts" of hunger. My brain can really be mean sometimes and well I think my brain often has a 2nd agenda that is NOT in my best interest. My brain wants to be fat...becuase, well, it is still a fat thinking brain. My body, on the other hand, is really liking being thinner... it seems my body and my brain are not getting along right now (the are more frenemies) and so often times my fat brain wins. More accurately I stop fighting with it and let it have it's way...its just to hard to fight sometimes and I just don't have the energy. It would make my life so much easier if my brain and body were NSYNC (ha ha get it NSYNC my favorite boy band from the 90's).
I really have to be more dedicated at looking at each isolated food encounter one at a time instead of looking at each day. I find that looking at the day as a whole is becoming way overwhelming and I think trying to focus on one little food encounter at a time might make dealing with my fat brain easier. We shall see...I am hoping this will work.....
Love Angela
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