Back to choir today. Yep I really like the song we are working on. It makes me happy. It is the battle hymn of the republic. It is one of my favorites and it really moves me.
I went home from church early today. I haven't felt well and it just got progressively worse as church went on. When I got home all I wanted to do was rest. I am having a really emotional day today as well as not physically feeling well. I am in a rough spot at the moment. I know I will come out of it, but right now I am emotionally rough. We all have times like that right? Or at least I hope so. And even if you don't, I definitely do. I have fought with emotional days often over the course of my life and for the most part I have things under control. Once in a while days will creep in and really wreck havoc on me. They will pass, they always do.
As much as I want to eat, I know that isn't the right answer. Does that stop me from wanting to put everything in my mouth? Of course not! I am learning though. I changed the note I have on my fridge door it used to read: Angela this is not a place of comfort it is a place of food! Now it reads Count to 10; do you really NEED to get in here? Think about it. I need to keep reminding myself that it isn't about the food. I am using the food to deal with other things. I am an addict. I need it to function for health, yes. BUT, I don't need to deal with everything in my life, or not deal with things as the case my be. I need to find other ways to get through life, then eating. Eventually if I keep up this addiction, I can ulitmately kill myself (like with any other addiction.) That realization alone is sobering. I don't want that to happen. Bottom line I want that working relationship with food. We work together becuase I need it to survive but I don't want it to consume my life!
Love Angela
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