Made it to church for the first hour. I was so pooped and drained and just really emotional today. I have to admit I think it is because 1. it is that time of the month (sorry boys) 2. I am overly tired and 3. because I haven't been taking my happy meds (celexa) for roughly 3 weeks. Just so you know you aren't suppose to do that no matter how good you are feeling. The reason I take them is to stabilize my moods and emotions. I can definitely tell that I made a mistake by waiting so long to get a refill.
I have found that by not taking them I have felt anxious (more than normal), I have wanted to eat more, I feel that getting this master's is not for me anymore, I want to cry (A LOT) and I feel that I am all alone (even though I have amazing people in my life). Obviously for me to be successful I can't have this happening, so guess what I am doing? Yep I am calling the doctor (tomorrow) to get a refill and then make an appointment have a one on one with him (it has been a year and 80 lbs ago that I saw him last). I share this very personal part of me with you so that you know. It is important to know your weaknesses as well as your strengths. I want to be the best that I can be and if I am not taking care of myself I know that I won't be able to help others or do my best. I start my first 9 weeks of rotation with kids this next week and I need my level head on.
I have become very good at hiding my weaknesses but I don't want to hide them anymore. I shouldn't be ashamed of where I struggle. Where I struggle someone else is strong and we can work together to be the best we both can be. I am on a journey and the longer I am on it the more I learn about me. I am finding that I am a pretty great person who has a lot to offer.
A layer of self hate removed.
Love Angela
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