Dear Blog; Day 220

I could not sleep last night.  I mean I slept but it was more of restless sleep.  I was so anxious for today.  It is such an intimidating experience to walk into a new school and sit through a day full of meetings, and planning, and data analyzing.  This school is a high performance school; their staff is amazing and their dedication to students is inspiring.  I am very excited to be with this wonderful group of educators and I know that I am going to learn a lot from them.  I just have to wrap my mind around everything that I am learning.

I have to admit teachers know how to eat.  We started the day with a buffet breakfast.  I haven't seen so many carbs in one place since going to the discount bread store sometime last year.  Doughnuts, and bagels, and potato breakfast casseroles.  There was fruit and a few non starch/carb items which a indulged in.  I was a good girl.  I was able to see the bagels and doughnuts and all those things and realize that I didn't need to have them.  I wasn't accountable to anyone but myself.  No one there knew me or what health plan I am on I could have had what ever I wanted.  But I chose to stay true to myself.  I have a momentum going and I really just don't want to give that up.  So there I sat with my bar, and tiny sliver of breakfast casserole minus the potatoes.

For lunch again another buffet/potluck.  Potato chips, fruit, pastries, brownies, little smokies, pasta salad, 7 layer dip, tortilla chips etc.  It just never seemed to end.  I can't even express to you the things that go on in my head.  I had to continually remind myself that this is the path that I want and that is the life I want to leave behind; a life where food has control over me.  I made it.  I survived the candy on the tables I survived the orange juice in the morning I even survived the snickers bar that my mentor teacher gave me with a gift.

I am truly finding that I am a lot stronger than I allow myself to be.  It is sad but I get in my own way sometimes and because of that it stunts my progress.  That statement is not just valid with weightloss it is valid in all aspects of my life.  I need to get out of my own way once in a while.

Love Angela