Dear Blog; Day 11

Started on my homework from my life coach.  It's a pretty interesting read.  It uses words like change, and healthy and lifestyle.  It helps me recongnize that I can undo all the wrong that I have done to my body.  It reminds me A LOT that it will take time and it won't be easy but it will be worth it.  Why does that seems like such a bunch of CRAP, and that I don't WANT to do it.  It is just easier to do what I have been doing.  And I am much happier, ok so not really but the food makes me happier. 

Ok scratch that, I have convinced myself that the food makes me happier.  Really what would really make me happy, is to be able to go up a flight of stairs and not have to take a break.  To be able to ride the rides at amusement parks, to wear a seat belt on an airplane without needing an extender and be able to fully put the tray table down.  I want to be able to go shopping and find things that fit, and actually look good on me.  I want to be able to go to a concert or a baseball game or basketball game and fit in the small seats that they some how assume all people can fit in.  Because heaven forbid that a fat person likes sports...apparently sports are only for athletic people!  I want to be able to go to the movie theater and have both arm rests down.  I want to be able to ride a horse again, without thinking that I am going to kill it.  I want to be able to go sunbathing without thinking that people are going to try putting me in the water because they think I am a beached whale.  And finally I want to find someone who will love me... so far being fat has not hooked me a man.  Sooooo maybe if I can shed a few I can find someone who likes overly curvy girls. 

But first and foremost I need to find some way to love ME.  This is proving to be sooo very difficult.  I have spent so many years avoiding mirrors, and getting my picture taken and really caring what I look like for the most part (because no one looks at me anyway).  I have been scared to eat in front of people, or be in certain social situations or do anything where I am in front of people.  This all needs to change, I need to make it change.  One day at a time angela one layer at a time angela. 

Love Angela