Oh saturday how I love and hate you all at the same time. For some reason my brain thinks weekend ohh yeah I get to eat allllllllll day! Well brain you are wrong, saturday and sunday are just another day in a week of days; nothing different about you at all. So why is that so hard to convince myself of? This whole week has been a rough one. I have just wanted to eat and eat. Not because I am hungry mind you, just because I want to. Today I just really wanted to say scrap it, I don't want to do this anymore, it is just too hard. But my pride has gotten in the way and I am not a quitter and so I continue to plug away (not in a cheerful way mind you.)
When my dad came down he brought the rest of my boxes from Washington. I spent several hours going through them, reminiscing and downsizing. I cam across a journal that I have kept when I was in middle school. I read page after page about how I wish that I wasn't so fat. I wished that boys would like me for me and not for the way I looked. I wished that I was able to lose weight so that I would be pretty. I makes me sad to look back on that and remember that I have had weight issues for soooooo many years, and how the underlying wishes are still the same today. I wish I was pretty, I wish boys liked me for me and not for the way I looked and I wish I wasn't fat. I am taking the steps to hopefully make some of those wishes come true.
One second, one minute, one hour, one day, one week, one month, and one year at a time.
Love Angela
No comments:
Post a Comment