Dear Blog; day 5 (end of day)

I am not ok.  Pretty much had a melt down.  I'm better now, but it was touch and go there for a little bit.  My life coach told me to call her if I felt out of control... so I psycho dialed her until she picked/called me back!  I was loosing it.  I allowed myself to go too long with out eating and my blood sugar dropped, the world started spinning and all I wanted to do was eat.  It didn't help that my grandma had brought rolls, and cheesecake (yep there it is again) cookies, lunch meat, cheese and what have you into the house.  I tried to muscle through it, but all I kept seeing is the food dancing in front of me; taunting me, egging me on.  I went outside to get some air and talk to my life coach, I was was bawling. Yep bawling.  I felt so stupid, here I was crying over food.  FOOOD!

 As my life coach talked me off the proverbial cliff and got me calmed down she helped me realize something.  I wasn't crying over the food I was crying over what the food represented.  What the food helped me hide from...feeling.  If I eat I don't get as angry, or as sad, as happy or as bored.  I was so furious that I couldn't fill what ever void I thought I had with food.  AND then to complicate things, having all those foods that I am choosing not to eat right now staring at me with their beety eyes just begging for me to eat them!  I tentatively  regained control of myself, pulled up my big-girl panties and headed back inside to face the demons head on.  Armed with a medifast bar and dinner almost ready I felt better.  I felt even better after dinner was consumed.  I felt more sane.  I could think straight again.  I count this as another small victory.

Tonight's score: Angela 2    Food 0

Love Angela