Dear Blog; Day 60

So it is the day after the weigh in. I am still kind of in shock about the wight loss and pretty much in denial. I just didn't think it would be that amount. I still keep telling myself that something might have been off. But I can tell you for sure it wasn't I stood on the scale for a good 30 seconds just to see if it would say "Just kidding" and change to a different number all the while cackling hysterically. Nope, the numbers just stared back at me. Can I say I feel successful, yes. Can I say I notice changes, yes. Can I say that I feel different, most of the time. But can I say that I believe what I see, not so much. I don't know why it is so hard for me to wrap my head around what is going on. It could be that I am scared to fail and so if I don't own up to the changes then nothings different and I can't get hurt if nothing changes. That whole setting yourself up to fail bit so that you don't get hurt; thats me. Why do I do that? Guess living in the worst case scenario makes it so that you never get dissappointed, or hurt. You expected the worst so when it came you knew what it would be. That isn't such a way to live. I need to figure out how to hope for the best and live thinking about that.

This evening was dress rehearsal night for my cousin's (2 of them)play. We were able to go and see it before opening night. I had never seen this show before and it was very very funny. I took my bar along for dessert and at intermission I snacked on it as if it were a brownie all warm and gooey, dripping with chocolate sauce. Although it didn't taste like that excactly...if you close your eyes you can pretend....just pretend angela just pretend.

We then made a stop at the grocery store because our lean and green for the night was more green then lean and it wasn't that great. I literly wanted everything in the store. I turned into this whiney pouty little baby who just wanted her bottle (aka mac and cheese, pizza, and chips). But no one would give them to me! How rude is that. So instead when we got home I drank my water and sullenly took myself to bed. Darn you food, I all I ask is for a longer leash so that I can find out what it is like not to be under your thumb all the time. Let me go... Let me be free to find other things in life to give me comfort!

Love Angela