Nope attitude still the same this morning. I was still stewing about the movie friend thing from last night. So I tried to make ammends. I texted.... no response. I called....no response. I waited a little while and called again. I got a not very happy response. It was not a pleasant bit of conversation and afterwards I just wanted to cry one because I was mad at the response and two because my feelings were hurt. Granted I did call when she was trying to move stuff but even then I don't think the response I got was warranted. Whatever. I am over it. I went to the movie again with my best friend and some other people. We saw pirates on stranger tides. This was also a good movie. But all the while I was still stewing over my night and morning with my movie friend. I don't like having contention or anger in my relationships... I really obsess over it until it is resolved or worked through. I know that I haven't been my best self over the last day and morning. I get that, and I know that she is tired, stressed, overworked, under appreciated, and having to do a lot more then she wanted to. Neither of our responses were how we normally react to each other. It made me sad, and angry but more sad. I need to make this right....
Because of that situation, I wanted to eat all day today. I did eat, but at the same time I had to work through my feelings as well. I hate that my emotions are tied to food. I want to be done with that!!!! Grrrrr, I just want to be done with all of it. I want to take a magic pill and be cured. I don't want to be fat anymore. I don't want to eat to deal with emotions and life etc. I want to eat normal portions and be satisfied with that. I want to feel better about me and not be embarrassed or think twice before I do anything. I want to be able to try something on and have it look good....oh how I wish for that! Pity party table for one...right here!
My best friend and her mom and niece came over and we spent a couple of hours together. That lightened my mood and helped me think about something else. We spent a little bit of time in the pool and just enjoyed each others company. I love those 3 women and they are a big part of my life. After they left I headed upstairs to bed. (ps. My cousin is finally home, in pain but home!) It was an emotional day and if I stay downstairs any longer I know I will just eat my way through the night!
Love Angela
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