Wednesday.. one week from today I will be handing over my life to the ASU grad program for the next 12 months. I had orientation today and got to meet some students who just finished the program and some of my professors. Wow, I have so much anxiety. I know that I am going to be able to do this but that doesn't make it any less overwhelming and anxiety free. I also know that when I get stressed or anxious the first thing I want to do is eat. I am really going to have to watch that. I am trying to make small changes so that when the situation arrises I already have a game plan. This is going to be the most rewarding year as well as the most difficult year. I am looking forward to it but at the same time I am dreading it.
I can already feel myself wanting to eat...just to eat. Also it is "that" time of the month so of course I want to eat; not just have a nibble here have an nibble there. We are talking give me everything in sight because I HAVE to eat it! Now is definitely not the time to get on the scale or anywhere near the scale. I have decided that I am going to stay as far away from it as I can. This week is definitely is becoming more and more difficult as it progresses. To make matters worse this weekend is one of the biggest bbq weekends of the year. I want a huge bowl of home made potato salad, watermelon, chips, 2 hot dogs a hamburger and ice cream. Oh well my mom would say, "how does it feel to want?!?" Well mom, it feels pretty darn unfullfilling, and sad! Wanting does not get me anything, which is best but doesn't make me happy. So instead we are having hot dogs (without buns) hamburgers (without buns) veggie tray, chocolate pudding, and chicken. It is a bit protien heavy but it fits in with our healthy lifestyle. Because we are choosing not to have all the "extras" I am going to do my best to make the hamburgers as flavorful as possible and the veggie tray look as appetizing as possible and well chocolate pudding is already good.
I realize that this journey and these extreme lifestyle changes are not going to be forever but for now it is what I get to work with. I need to remember to work with it instead of thinking about what I am "missing out" on. I remember what potato salad tastes like, and I remember what bread tastes like and I definitely remember what potato chips taste like. Because of those memories I am ok with NOT eating those things (for the most part). Those memories are what helps fuel me to continue forward without completely falling off the wagon into the raging river of food and being torn to pieces on the junk food rocks.
Love Angela
Angela,
ReplyDeleteHi. Are you still on Medifast/TSFL? I applaud your efforts to eat healthier, and think it's awesome that you are taking control of your future by going back for your master's degree! I still want to eat all of the time too, so know that you aren't alone. I am such a food addict. I have been placating myself with 15 calorie sugar-free popsicles, however I want to eat the whole box (pops and cardboard:) rather than just one pop! So far have managed to restrain myself. I'm still on Medifast, and after 8 weeks have lost 40 pounds and dropped 2 clothing sizes. I still feel fat and I still want to eat. Especially bread, pasta, and cheescake!!! But I have not. I will not. I have eaten enough bad, fattening, artery clogging food to last me a lifetime. If I don't do this now, and do it right, I just give up. I've tried every diet known to man (and woman) without much lasting success. So now I am sticking to Medifast and snacking on pops...and well, to be honest, my fingernails / nubs as well. But hey, as far as I know, they're carb-free!!! :o) Good luck, and I really do admire you for going back to school!!!
Sidanne