Today was quite an adventure. I feel better than I did last night and well I went to bed with a smile on my face as I finished off the jar of peanut butter. Even though I went to bed with a smile I woke up with mouth glued together by the peanut butter...ok not really but it sounded good. I am a little more depressed today since the peanut butter is gone and I have vowed to not get another jar which makes me even more depressed. I couldn't dwell on the peanut butter anymore so I got out of bed... and promptly took myself to the grocery store! Noooooo I did not buy peanut butter, it was our weekly shopping trip for the weekly meals. I promise!
This afternoon my grocery shopping friend came by we were just suppose to go to old navy so that she could get a top to were to the Shout House tonight instead we went by Lane Bryant and I monopolized all the time on getting clothes for me. I will have you know I DO NOT SHOP for clothes ever! But I just started pulling things off the racks thinking why not; I was here might as well try something on. TO my total shock, things fit... and they fit nice. Not only that but I had to go down sizes...what?!?!? Going down a size? Who would have thought. Needless to say I nearly started crying in the dressing room... I was almost a pool on the floor I probably would have sat down and started rocking back and forth but my friend kept giving me things to try on. She was just as excited for me as I was. I was more in shock to be honest. I left the store with a few new things. I was tired of hearing my life coach tell me that my shirts look like maternity tops and my pants look like clown pants. Although it sort of hurt my feelings, I know what she was trying to tell me.
My friend never got her new shirt...and I got things I had not intended to get but oddly mixed with the feeling of wanting to throw up from spending what I call A LOT of money (clothes are expensive) I felt excited. It gave me a new sense of self. I don't need to hide behind my clothes. I need to embrace the changes even if I think I can see them. They are happening and I need to take a little bit of time and recognize that.
The rest of the evening was spent listening to music and enjoying myself with my friends. It was a great day and I am thankful for it. Days like today help me see why I am doing this. I am doing this because I want to see ME as who I am not who I think I should be. I is kind, I is smart and I is important! (thank you Abileen from The Help.)
Love Angela
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