Today for my class we were actually at my school so I popped in on my 2nd graders and helped out my mentor teacher a little this morning. She was surprised to see me, but was glad for my help. One of my students thought today was my last day so him and his mom brought me in a card and some home made cookies. They were snickerdoodles the paradise bakery recipe. I just took a minute to smell the bag...then I sadly passed them out to everyone around me. It was so very thoughtful of them but I was sad that I couldn't enjoy them. It is ok, I know that some day will be able to enjoy a cookie once in a while, just not right now.
Then after school I had another class where we had pizza and salad and more cookies. I say we but really I mean everyone but me. I had some salad which was satisfying; who would have thought that I would be satisfied with a salad.
Then when I got home grammy felt like it was her mission to get cookies for aunt viv's jewelry open house. I couldn't even go in the store. My will power had all been used up the rest of today I did not trust myself to enter the grocery store and not come out with 10 things that were NOT on the list. When we got home I obsessed over the cookies. I stood for a full minute just staring at them underneath their plastic blanket taunting me. I finally was able to break the trance; I stuck my tongue out at the cookies and walked away. I was not going to let them win no matter what!
It is ok that I went to bed crying....I never went back down stairs to eat them so I guess the tears were worth it. (Ok I didn't really cry but I thought about it....I couldn't let the cookies win though, so I stayed strong!)
Love Angela
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