I have told myself that it isn't about the numbers. That it isn't about weighing in or obsessing about the scale. Well, I don't want it to be but since I can now register on my life coach's scale and I don't have to borrow the "baby elephant scale" from my friend I get on it sometimes twice a day. This cannot happen; I am starting to obsess over it. So we have decided to hide the scale and only weigh in once a week (per my life coach). I told her she was going to have to hide it because I know I will seek it out. I don't know why, I guess I just want to see the progress daily but your weight can fluctuate so much from day to day. So only on Monday mornings do I get to see it. It is definitely for the best. Get they behind me scale!
That being said I am down 3 lbs this week. So I am down 53 lbs total now. Yeah I headed over to my friends house. She gives me paperback books to read when she is done with them and today she had a little collection waiting for me. We chatted a lot. About school, my trip to Europe (she was a wealth of knowledge) and finally we talked about what I have been doing. It was so interesting to hear the things that I was saying. I was saying things I thought would never come out of my mouth. I sounded so sure and even grateful that I have gone through all that I have thus far. I couldn't believe how far I have come since the beginning of this year when I didn't even want to talk about it. It made me realize that changes are happening within me. That I am truly connecting to what I am learning. I know there is so much more left but I am so very excited for what I have been able to do so far.
There is a little bit in me that thinks that this isn't real; that there is no way that I am going to be able to meet my ultimate goals. I just have to throw that kind of thinking right out the door. It has no place being in my brain. I am proof that it works and that I can be successful.
I hit a little snag this afternoon. I met up with my life coach as she was shopping for a few new things for her trip to Hawaii (they are leaving tomorrow). She looked so cute in the thing she tried on (she has lost 85 lbs from her highest which her highest was 70 lbs less then where I started). I tried on a thing or two because they just looked so cute. Ya they didn't look anywhere near as cute as they did on her. My brain instantly went to I am fat, I can't buy clothes because I don't deserve it and I will never look cute in things. (which is where my brain would have normally gone.) But this time I was able to say "STOP" wait a minute. I may not be able to wear it now but I will be able to wear it eventually. I had to remind myself where I have come from and where I am at now is not going to be where I am going to be in the future. Instead of feeling depressed and going to get something to eat to make me feel better. I just kept telling myself that I am making progress, that I am moving forward and good things are happening and going to happen.
I made it, I made it through that difficult situation and I didn't have to eat anything to do it. That right there is huge for me. I faced the situation head on, and I was able to make myself feel better with words not food. That is such a powerful thing and definitely a step in the right direction.
A large layer of self hate removed today!
Love Angela
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